Gay Ass Gossip: Tom Daley’s Mystery Introduction To Gay Sex Is Reportedly Dustin Lance Black

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ITEM The power! The power of this couple! The power of this gay power couple! Twink Olympian Tom Daley rendered every shot of cum that’s been jerked off over him legit this week when he revealed that he’s in a relationship with a man. He didn’t name the man in his YouTube revelation, however. Tongues wagged, gossipy bitches took a magnifying glass to paparazzi pics, and homophobia at the Sochi Olympics took a distant second place to the burning question of “Who is packing Tom Daley’s speedo from the back?”

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And we have a winner! An accomplished one! Oscar-winning screenwriter is Tom’s gateway gay according to “sources”. They’ve been papped getting coffee in LA together, too. Tom is 19, and Dustin Lance Black (Milk was a wonderful film but please get an acronym, Lance) is 39 but who cares? There is no age in gay land! My husband is 75, and I’m none of your fucking business.

– J. Harvey

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ITEM In “Some Humans Are Disgusting” news, a Tujunga, CA man has been arrested and charged with stealing from the wreckage of the car Paul Walker crashed and died in. Jameson Witty, 18, reportedly followed the tow truck transporting the wreck and ganked a piece of it when it stopped at a red light. The motive wasn’t reported, but the words “EBay” and “Craigslist” come to mind. Witty reportedly had a 25-year-old accomplice that hasn’t been charged, yet. TFIWWP? (“The Fuck Is Wrong With People?”) Bad enough that we’ve lost a nice guy who was exceptionally beautiful, and then some dildo has to go and try and profit off it? Fuck you, James Witty. And your older friend, too.

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ITEM I’ve come to accept that they re-booted the Spider-Man flicks a mere 5 years after the first series. Why? Andrew Garfield is scrumptious, and in a bodysuit. There ya go. Here’s the trailer for next summer’s The Amazing Spider-Man 2.

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