Here at xhardxtimesx.ru, we have come to a consensus that our bodies are officially ready for the new web-series Hunting Season. The first three episodes are currently available for your streaming pleasure, and you can snag the uncensored versions at .
Trust us. You want to see the uncensored versions.
While this isn’t anywhere near as pornographic as it could have been, it’s also anywhere near as shallow or vapid as it could have been. We’re starting to feel a connection with these characters, and we’re dying to find out how their story unfolds.
On that note? We gotta run and watch episode two. Check out our recap after the jump.
Click through to watch the first episode and view our recap:
Scroll VERY quickly if you’d like to avoid any spoilers:
Before we even meet our slutty hero, a handful of opening shots establish the setting. We’re in New York City, kids! This almost made me miss living in NYC… Except for the part when they showed Times Square (and I almost had an anxiety attack from looking at it).
SIDNOTE: They use really on this show! I was pleasantly surprised that it wasn’t crappy club tunes thumping throughout the first episode, and looking ahead, I jizzed a little that are on the show’s soundtrack.
Soon enough, we finally hear the voice of Alex, our aforementioned slutty hero. He explains that there’s a certain point in early spring when New Yorkers suddenly start running around half-naked. This is 100% accurate and true. I lived near both Central Park and McCarren Park at different points, and it happened like clockwork each year. Shirtless dudes would just magically appear—tanning, playing frisbee, humping their girlfriends in public, etc.
Alex explains that, with the warmth and nakedness, New Yorkers also get much hornier. This is 100% accurate and true as well. I know things, you guys! Because I lived there once upon a time, and I got SO MUCH more ass in springtime. Obviously, I am an expert on this. Obviously.
We eventually meet Alex, and he is super cute! I would totally jizz on his face and pound him like a whore. This is a screen-cap of him sitting on the subway. I’m not sure what line he lives on or what time this is supposed to be happening, but that is a very empty train car. A little too empty, if you ask me.
Alex starts eye-fucking some dude across from him. That dude happens to be former (?) exclusive Ben Andrews. His dick is humongous, allegedly 11 inches long and 9 inches thick. He hit on me once while I was wearing a sweatshirt with a kitten on it. Then he showed me his humongous dick, which is really, really, really humongous.
Alex follows this random dude off the train, and they go back to his apartment together. While this would never happen in the modern age of hook-up culture, I’m willing to suspend my disbelief because…
Well, because of this! I’m pretty sure Ben is flaccid in this shot. Did I mention that his dick is humongous? Once fully erect, I’m pretty sure it’d be bigger than Alex’s entire body. It’s weird that Alex doesn’t even comment on how he’s about to get fucked by a humongous dick. He must be used to humongous dicks. What a (hot) slut!
Okay, but really, could you imagine Ben Andrews’ dick inside of that tiny butt? It’s a really nice butt, by the way. I’d like to reiterate that I would jizz on Alex’s face and pound him like a whore. To add to that, I would like to give him a billion rimjobs. Exactly a billion. No more, no less.
Random dude (aka Ben Andrews) asks Alex if he’s HIV negative. He replies that he is, random dude confirms that he is as well, and then he proceeds to maybe shove his humongous dick inside of Alex without any foreplay whatsoever.
“Do you have any condoms?” Alex asks. To which random dude replies, “I thought you said you were negative.” To which I reply, “Why would anyone believe a complete stranger about their HIV status?”
Thankfully, Alex isn’t a total cum dumpster whore, and he convinces random dude to get some condoms.
Random dude’s roommate walks in while he’s getting condoms. He finds Alex naked on the couch. Naturally, his first instinct is to take off his clothes and immediately start blowing him. When random dude comes back, he’s all like “I ain’t mad at that” and joins in on the fun. Hope he found the condoms!
Haha! Crazy twist, you guys! A dog came in and started licking Alex’s ears while random dude and his roommate were giving him a tongue bath. That’s nothing compared to this contribution to our It Happened On Manhunt series, but it does give us a nice excuse to meet Alex’s friends (whose names I don’t know yet).
File this under worst line of the episode: “You better not have checked me in. I’m avoiding, like, six twinks right now.”
Close second: “You just had an ORGY. How do you have any cum left?”
If I ever meet anyone who talks like that, I’m going to erase him from my mind and pretend we never met at all. Does anyone talk like that? Ever?
It figures that the hottest guy in the episode plays the least integral role. Say hello to the bartender, who is also invited to receive a billion rimjobs. Ugh! All that scruffiness on his beautiful face. I want him inside my butt.
Come on, Alex! Aren’t you supposed to be a slut? When we were first introduced to Lenny, I expected you to be blowing him in the bathroom stall before the first sentence ended. What’s with all this conversation and backstory? I don’t care that you blog for but want more out of life… Just sit on more humongous dicks, okay?
Hey Carrie Bradshaw hey!!!! Alex starts a blog, because that’s apparently what people do these days whenever they have an idea about something. Look at all those post-its on his computer! What do they even say? Why do I care?
Alex gets a text message that asks, “r u up?” There’s another humongous dick.
It’s funny when Alex talks about how he doesn’t know what to name his blog, yet the site address and e-mail address are already filled out. Bitch please! You knew it was going to be called “The Great Cock Hunt” before you even started writing the first sentence.
How strange! Seconds ago, you didn’t even know what to name your blog, yet you already have a carefully-designed logo… Again, I’m willing to suspend my disbelief, as long as Alex keeps examining more “suspicious packages” (with his butt).
Get the at huntingseason.tv!