I Want Kevin James Inside Of Me

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I want to have his children when someone makes that a thing. I want to be his whore, his slut, his concubine. If Kevin James ever decides to go same-sex, I will bludgeon any trick that tries to cut me in line. I love you, Kevin James. There is no need for you to be in a “Secret Sex” category, because I will gladly declare my love for you in a multi-media laser show while people “ooh” and “aah” in delight at the fireworks and I scream how hot my butthole is for you into a megaphone.

I really like Kevin James. He has a new movie coming out where he plays an adorable teacher looking to raise money for his school so he goes into mixed martial arts. WHICH MEANS KEVIN JAMES WON’T HAVE A SHIRT ON! And you thought Paul Blart, Mall Cop was an intensely erotic adventure! Here Comes The Boom (that’s what I whisper to myself in my dreams as Kevin swaggers into our bedroom wearing nothing but tube socks and a clip-on bowtie) will feature Kevin rolling around on the floor in full grunt mode with other dudes.

Look at the poster. Isn’t he dreamy lying there all puppy-dog like and slightly wounded?

I use to have a dartboard with Leah Remini’s face on it.

– J. Harvey

To watch the trailer for *sigh* Here Comes The Boom *sigh, Follow the JUMP:

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