I’ve Never Done This Before: Topher DiMaggio’s Bottoming Debut

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There’s no polite way to say this. Topher DiMaggio is the worst bottom in the short history of ‘s “Top To Bottom” series. He spends less than four minutes with his boyfriend Lance Luciano‘s dick up his ass, and within that short period of time, he manages to make Tony Paradise look like a raging power bottom.

There are, maybe, one or two seconds where he makes an attempt to look like he’s enjoying himself, and even that’s a stretch when you take into consideration his acting “skills”. He is just plain, stinking miserable, and it shows with every awkward movement and pained facial expression. You gotta give credit for convincing Topher to do this in the first place, but I don’t think anyone could have foreseen how uncomfortable the final product would turn out.

And yet I highly recommend watching it.

Hear me out on this one! Some things are so bad that you need to see them, and Topher’s bottoming debut is the 2013 gay porn world equivalent of Miley‘s VMA performance. If you don’t currently have a  membership—and don’t possess the means or interest to take advantage in any of their huge XXXmas discounts—I would urge you to go , click the nifty blue button in the upper right corner, get a one day trial for $1 and join the rest of us as we witness this mess. It should be noted that, for all my criticism, the view isn’t exactly terrible:

The funniest (or saddest) thing about this scene is that this is supposed to be Topher’s gift to Lance. Nothing says “thank you for the expensive watch” better than (technically less than) four minutes of grouchy, unenthusiastic bottoming… I mean, really?!?!?! You might as well have just thrown a gift card to Taco Bell in his face. I don’t care if he was waiting for 70,000 years to get your ass! If you’re gonna give it to him, you better practice with a dildo (or another man) and do it right.

Keep in mind, this is only my personal take on the scene! Some of you might prefer the “reluctant bottom” angle over the effort performers like Paddy O’Brian or Colby Jansen put into their “Top To Bottom” offerings. Maybe, for you, it’s a turn-on to know that Topher is a real total top and, with that in mind, you can watch a scene like this and appreciate him even more. I’m trying to be open-minded here, but uh…

You really have to for yourself.

– Dewitt

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Check out some new pics and watch the awkward trailer (again) below:

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