I’m filling in for Dewitt for a few days, and I’m very excited to guest write the “Secret Sex” column, because it gives me a chance to talk about the one celebrity I’ve wanted to bang consistently for about fifteen years now: Stanley Tucci. No, really. The movie, if I remember right, was A Life Less Ordinary, and Tucci played the evil dentist trying to separate Cameron Diaz from sexy, sexy Ewan McGregor. There’s one short scene where he’s shirtless and fighting Ewan that I used to watch over and over again, ejaculating every time.
The sad thing about Stanley, though, is that it’s like he goes out of his way to pick unsexy movies to be in. The Devil Wears Prada? Burlesque? The Lovely Bones? As lovely as his bone surely is, his clothes are almost always on. But honestly that doesn’t make him less of a god. I mean I had a raging boner all through Julie & Julia, for God’s sake.
Now, I’m partial to scruffy, middle-aged Italian men, and also I like balding with glasses and a lot of chest hair, so maybe this isn’t such a surprise. But what do you think?
Stanley’s turning fifty in November, and I’d love to help him celebrate by getting on my knees and letting him ram his dick down my throat. Anybody have his agent’s number?
For more pics of Tucci, Follow the JUMP: