The Locker Room: The Hottest Male Athletes of 2013


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In 2013, nudity lead to major popularity in The Locker Room. Whether the athlete in question was naked on purpose or caught in the act, more than half of these posts were dedicated to bare jock flesh on display. Hell, even one of the guys who didn’t show his butt has a few shots where you can see his jockstrap through his football uniform…

(See last year’s list here.)

Of course, just like last year, rugby players scored four out of ten spots on this Best of xhardxtimesx.ru countdown, with football players snagging two, and the rest dedicated to soccer, baseball, diving and an assortment of sports featured in the ESPN Body Issue… So where was the love for Tom Daley, Ben Cohen or the juicy mounds of Jeff Driskel? Oy! It would take too long to explain their omission from this list. For now, you should just jerk off to the guys who actually made it.

– Dewitt

Take a look at the best Locker Room posts of 2013 below:

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10. EDEN HAZARD:

Eden Hazard

We wrote: “Your ass doesn’t get its own unless its two mounds of hunky flesh that are made of ass dreams. Eden plays for the Chelsea soccer club, and when his cakes bounce across the field, bitches faint and jealous dudes run for butt implants. You can’t handle all that ass… Do you think Eden’s teammate Fernando Torres (who is always sticking HIS ass out) has butt fights with Eden? On a shared dildo?”

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9. THE ESPN BODY ISSUE:

ESPN Body Issue

We wrote: “ESPN Magazine’s annual ‘Body Issue‘ is the gay community’s version of Sports Illustrated’s ‘Swimsuit Issue’. Once a year we get to see almost buck naked. Pro athletes don’t normally walk around bare ass, so this is a nice treat for fans of the male physique.”

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8. EVAN LONGORIA:

Evan Longoria

We wrote: “Waaaayyyyy back in the day (2010 to be precise), good sport Evan Longoria sent a pic of his erect cock to a Boston-based sports website (I’d name them here in the interest of Beantown camaraderie, but they recently put up a so fuck them). He instantly became a favorite here at xhardxtimesx.ru.”

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7. DIEUX DU STADE 2014 CALENDAR:

Colby Keller

We wrote: “A couple of weeks ago, the Dieux du Stade calendar for 2014 was previewed in a new promotional video, and now the actual calendar is on sale for a mere € 26.60. Isn’t it interesting how the French have figured out a way to sell printed calendars in a time when there’s virtually no use for them in contemporary life, apart from nostalgia or as an excuse to put pictures like these on your wall?”

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6. BEN FODEN:

Ben Foden

We wrote: “Every time I type Ben Foden‘s name, I keep wanting to type Ben Cohen. The two English rugby players are equally hot in their own special ways—and Cohen even makes a cameo in today’s edition of The Locker Room—but they are most certainly not the same person. Foden’s got a classically handsome look, whereas Cohen’s the big beefy teddy bear you want to hug and never let go. While Foden might not be the founder of an international foundation to combat homophobia and bullying, he likes us enough to pose shirtless on a major gay magazine. That’s a start, right?”

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5. JOEL DREESSEN:

Joel Dreessen

We wrote: “Joel Dreessen is a tight end for the Denver Broncos who’s previously played for the New York Jets and the Houston Texans. You are about to see some pictures of his butt! There’s a really obvious ‘tight end’ joke that we should probably be making here, but we’re going to avoid it for the sake of our journalistic integrity (or what’s currently left of it).”

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4. KAYNE LAWTON:

Kayne Lawton naked

We wrote: “Kayne Lawton is an Australian rugby player who plays for the Gold Coast Titans. I know this because was checked. I check Wikipedia for two reasons. The first being that I don’t know dick about sports, so there’s a need to relay SOME sort of legit info about the athlete in question. The second? I want to make sure the guy isn’t some sort of awful demon before the post about how doable he is goes up.”

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3. ERIC DECKER:

Eric Decker shirtless

We wrote: “Eric Decker is a wide receiver for the Denver Broncos who’s extraordinarily handsome and () has a very large cock. A lovely reader brought him to our attention yesterday afternoon… We were sold as soon as we clicked the link to pics of Decker’s ‘juicy ass legs’. I mean, those are some powerful-looking thighs! We wouldn’t mind having them wrapped around our ears, as he slams his cock down our throats and says filthy things about what he’s gonna do to our [redacted].”

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2. CHRIS MEARS:

Chris Mears

We wrote: “Move the fuck over, Tom Daley. Your diving teammate Chris Mears is naked for , and now we suddenly care about him more than you. Those fuzzy legs! The speedo tan-line on that glorious ass! That burning look in his eyes, basically asking us to cock-slap him in his face!”

EDITOR’S NOTE: The Tom Daley reference is hilarious in retrospect.

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1. GEORGE BURGESS:

George Burgess

We wrote: “George Burgess is a gorgeous Australian pro rugby player, who’s becoming known for  Among said antics? He texted nude pics of himself to his girlfriend. And she did the only thing a girl can do in that situation. PUT EM’ ON THE NET!”

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Best of xhardxtimesx.ru 2013


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